Distance is my new response. I don’t return energy. I remove myself.
(via whateveryourfantasyis)
i regret trying to get back out there. this process is not worth the bullshit it brings.
the lengths that women in my life lately have been going to for the same doible standard is ridiculous.
“lets get drinks on me”
me: hey i know what happened last time but im good on the cheeks rn
*implodes, regenerates, and proceeds to be petty*
for what? why can’t i say no? & where did your maturity go?
theres only one woman who actually understood & respected my decisions without all the bullshit. she is now someone i hold dear to my heart. probably one of my few real friendships i know will last….even though i be salty sometimes seeing niggas shoot. i honestly cant even explain why i feel that way though because part of me is content with being friends and the other is like damn you lost out. the uncertainty of my decisions outcome bothers me but i know i made the right ones. im glad she respects that & my feelings.
but you other mfs got me bent. no i dont want to fuck again. no i dont have to explain myself, i just dont. we still cool, just not puttin my dick near ya. it shouldnt be any hard feelings if i tell you from the beginning where im at with relations.
also i see what my ex meant now. she didnt owe me anything. no explanation, nothing. even though i felt like i deserved something for going thru that situation & its emotions. thats prolly the only “ you we’re right” she gone get lol hope all is well though, continue to prosper.
but anyways im tired of living by these double standards. i wont allow it. i owe no one anything nor do they owe me. being selfish is okay , in doses.
never expected to be disliked because i dont want to fuck you but damn lmao mfs love feelin a type of way when the guy says no. i can’t fathom why im not respected enough to take a simple no without all the unnecessary shit talkin & then delete that shit right after.
looking back at all these old posts makes me cringe lol literally an emotion spiral..
to say things have been great would be a lie, but also somewhat true. great in a sense of myself physically and mentally. there was some bullshit still but my happier mood is consistent at least. amongst sed bullshit was a inevitable, dissapointing, yet punctual opportunity…a break. my time was something that i never considered as a negative contributor to my mood. im no longer searching for anyone, or anything to fill whatever i feel i lack emotionally or physically. i try to eat healthier, lay off cigs, drink less. this opportunity along with many others that ive recieved for a while now feel like the come to me, its beautiful.
although some days are still trying to repeat the old cycle, i feel like im on a clear path. even if i dont know where its going, i enjoy the mystery of it. so hopefully i can glass the butterfly effect in this timeline.